We have been discussing for the last several weeks about understanding our own digital estate and setting up our digital legacy inventory for our loved ones for when we inevitably kick the bucket.
But what if your loved one hasn't been as organised as you?
What will that look like for you, and how on earth do you deal with it?
It's a really large topic, so we're going to break this down into smaller, more digestible pieces.
Where do I even start?
Great question!
Step 1: Don't panic.
The very first thing we do is... don't panic!
This can be overwhelming, but it is important to remember that not everything needs to be done at once, or in a hurry. There may be some things that need attention sooner than others, but we'll work through those as we go.
Step 2: Look for their digital legacy inventory.
If your loved one has left a digital legacy inventory, this is the perfect place to start. Hopefully, they've left it somewhere easy to find.
If they haven't, don't worry—we'll get to that.
Step 3: Start identifying the obvious accounts and devices.
If there is no inventory, we'll start with the obvious accounts and devices.
Look at the devices they have left behind, such as their phone, tablet or computer, and make a note of the accounts you know they used. Think about email, social media, online shopping, subscriptions, cloud storage, memberships and anything else that comes to mind.
At this stage, we're simply trying to identify what exists. You don't need to log into, access or make changes to these accounts just because you have access to a device. We'll get to what you can and can't do with them as we work through the process.
Don't worry about finding everything at this stage. We're simply building a starting list to get the ball rolling—but more like a gentle roll down a slope, not a roll down a big hill with the ball getting away from you and you rolling your ankle... I would rather not bring that memory up again.
Step 4: Work out what can—and should—happen to each account.
Now that we've started identifying these accounts, what do we do with them?
We've talked before about Legacy Contacts and the different options that can apply to an account after someone dies. Some accounts can be memorialised, some can be closed, some may allow certain information or assets to be transferred, and some may require specific documentation before anything can happen.
At this stage, we're simply trying to establish what options are available for each account, what your loved one may have wanted, and what you're actually able to do.
Remember, having access to someone's device or knowing their password doesn't automatically mean you have permission to access or manage every account. The rules vary between platforms, so it's important to check what each one allows.
Step 5: Contact the relevant platforms.
Once we've identified the accounts and worked out what needs to happen, it's time to contact the relevant platforms.
This is where things can start to feel a little more complicated. Different platforms have different processes, documentation requirements and options for dealing with someone's account after they've died.
And this is exactly why keeping that list we created earlier is so useful. We can work through it one account at a time, keep track of who we've contacted, when we've contacted them, what they've asked for, and what happens next.
Again, it is important to remember, don't assume every platform will have the same process. Some may allow you to submit a request online, others may require documentation, and some may have very limited options available to families.
What if I don't know their email address?
Ahh now you're asking the real tricky stuff….
Email addresses are used for almost all digital accounts, so if we don’t know what email address they use, there are a few places we can look to try and find it.
Check your own inbox for emails from them.
Check their phone, computer, tablet or password manager if you are lawfully able to access them. .
Look through saved passwords/accounts where you have lawful access.
Check paperwork or previous correspondence for account details.
Look at subscription receipts and bills.
Check contacts and correspondence for clues.
Don't assume the email address you know is the one they used for everything. They may have been a superhero in disguise and needed an email address for their alter ego.
If you still can't identify it, contact the platform and ask what documentation they require.
Please do not simply try to guess passwords or break into accounts. I am sorry to say this, but being someone's spouse, child or next of kin doesn't necessarily give you automatic permission to access their accounts.
What can I do with these accounts?
What a fantastic question!
Unfortunately, this is where the answer becomes the dreaded “it depends.”
Every platform has its own rules, so there isn't one magic button marked “sort out everything for me, please.” But dreams are free.
Email: Our email accounts hold an enormous amount of private information. These are linked to our social media, our cloud storage full of photos, our gaming platforms, online shopping, and government IDs like RealMe, only to name a tiny few. For this reason, closing an email account may be something you want to leave until later in the process, once you've established what other accounts and services are connected to it.
Social media: We’ve discussed this in previous articles, but the options available to us for our loved ones' accounts are, closing the account, memorialising it, or leaving it as it is.
Subscriptions: Things like Netflix, Spotify, cloud storage, memberships, apps, etc. Some of these are easy to cancel, by simply contacting them directly; others may require documentation, such as a death certificate and/or proof of relationship. Some services may eventually stop when their payment method is no longer available, but it's best not to rely on this. Contact the provider directly where possible so you know the account has been dealt with appropriately and there aren't any outstanding obligations.
Photos and other digital memories: Before closing anything, consider whether there are photographs, videos, documents, messages or other information you or your family would want to preserve. Once an account has been closed, recovering the information that was stored there can become much more difficult, and in some cases may not be possible.
Devices: These can include phones, tablets, computers, external hard drives, USB drives, smart watches, and more. Having the physical device does not automatically mean you're entitled to access everything stored on it. If you need to access information on a device, check with the relevant manufacturer or service provider about what options are available and what documentation they may require. Unfortunately, it is not always possible to access every device or the information stored on it.
Online shopping / memberships / miscellaneous accounts: Things like:
Amazon/Trade Me
loyalty programmes
gaming
forums
dating apps
professional memberships
online services
And yes, this can include some wonderfully random things. People sign up for all sorts of things online, and we don't necessarily remember half of them while we're alive, let alone after we've gone.
Even while we’re alive, many of these accounts are often forgotten about, so they may be relatively straightforward to deal with once you've identified them. Closing them down can also help stop the promotional material coming in. You might discover memberships you didn't even know existed. Your loved one may have had a surprisingly busy online life!
Be aware of scams and security
This isn't intended to scare you, but it is something worth being aware of. Once someone has died, their accounts can become vulnerable. An unmanaged email account in particular can be a gateway to other accounts.
What happens to the accounts you can't find?
You're knocking it out of the park with these questions!
The reality is, you may never find everything, and that's okay. Really.
There may be accounts you never knew existed, an old email address you've never seen, or a subscription that quietly disappears when the payment method is cancelled. Sometimes, you simply won't know what you don't know.
The goal isn't necessarily to achieve 100% certainty. The goal is to deal with what you can identify, follow the appropriate processes, and keep a record of what you've done.
That record is important. It gives you something to come back to, add to, and refer to as things arise. In many ways, your list becomes a living record of the digital estate you're working through.
And remember, you don't have to solve everything in one day.
You've already got enough to deal with when someone you love dies. You shouldn't have to become an expert in every social media platform, subscription service and online account overnight.
Start with what you can find. Work through it one account at a time. Ask the platforms what they require when you're unsure, and keep a record of what you've done.
You may not find everything, and you may not be able to access everything.
But you can make a start. And sometimes, that's enough.
I know what you’re thinking, “Bloody hell, this is a lot,” you're not wrong. This is exactly why we talk about digital legacies.
The easiest digital estate to deal with is the one that someone has already taken the time to understand.
A digital legacy inventory doesn't need to be perfect. It doesn't need to contain every account you've ever created. It simply needs to give the person you leave behind somewhere to start.
Because one day, someone else may be sitting where you are now, trying to work out what happened to your digital life.
Wouldn't it be nice to make their job just a little easier?
